pain and fear.

pain and fear.
fear of pain.
pain of fear.
fear as a result of pain.
pain caused by loss.
loss and betrayal of trust.
distrust leading to fear
fear nurturing pain

and here we go again.

from the words of Pink Floyd

So, so you think you can tell

Heaven from Hell,

Blue skies from pain.

Can you tell a green field

From a cold steel rail?

A smile from a veil?

Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade

Your heroes for ghosts?

Hot ashes for trees?

Hot air for a cool breeze?

Cold comfort for change?

And did you exchange

A walk on part in the war

For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.

We're just two lost souls

Swimming in a fish bowl,

Year after year,

Running over the same old ground.

What have we found?

The same old fears.

Wish you were here. 

Wish you were here - Pink Floyd, 1975

i will dance in the rain

when all's been said and done
when no words can be undone
you chose to walk away
your last gift to me was the darkest day

and it started to rain
like the heavens felt the pain

all the memories were far too perfect
how could i let go and choose to forget
all the promises you never fulfilled
are now just flowers waiting to wilt

and then came the rain
let the heavens wash away my pain

my dreams died when you said goodbye
my being lost its zest for life
desperately i cried out for release
patiently i wait for healing

and it rained
the heavens conquered my pain

the past i lay behind
the future lies ahead shall be mine
surreal as it may seem
so real is the new strength in me

and in this rain, i will dance
till the storm is over, i will dance

Far Away - her & his

from: her
to: him
date: Sun, Aug 1, 2010 at 2:58 AM
subject: far away

i need to be needed
i need to be wanted
when u r so far away
its unfair

i dress up for nobody
all made up but hangout with nobody
when u r so far away
i don't feel like u care

i'd think about how things were fine
you left me wondering
why you'd have to say yes to
be miles and miles away


from: him
to: her
date: Sun, Aug 1, 2010 at 2:28 PM
subject: far away

I need you
I want you
And when I am so far away
I do not need or want you any less,

Dress up because you are pretty
Hang out with those you hold dear
And when I am back
I can remind you how much I care

I'd like to think that things are still fine
I said yes to be miles and miles away
so I can be a better person that can one day
bring you miles and miles away with me.

I love you honey.

(:

in fear the years will creep up on me

My sms to Mr Sunflower last night:

Here i lie crying bcos im so scared.
So scared of losing my dreams.
Does growing up mean that dreams will be forgotten and wilt into the past?
Does growing up mean that our dreams were just a figment of imagination?
Does it fade away as more responsibilities come our way?
I'm so scared that i'll look back and regret not pursuing something further.
I'm so scared that i would be telling some youth, "hey that's what i wanted to do."
Here i lie in tears, in fear the years will creep up on me.



Mr Sunflower's reply this morning:

I believe everybody that dreams big feels like that sometimes but do not ever give up. always runnin and workin towards it, is key to gettin there. everyday we work towards that goal we become a little faster, a little stronger. we walk a mile further than we used to. and one day we'll get there. everytime u get discouraged i'll be there to lift u up because i know u'd do the same for me. i'm countin on u. with me by your side rest assured we will get there.

Get on

four sticks and vomitful of beer
just an outlet to release all the fear
we work hard, we try to stay real
after all've been done, there's just no way to steer clear
Of the pressures and power of subtle oppression

is that all we'll get after a month's hard work
is that all there's to life till the end of times
then why do we still fight to survive
if this is how we're really gonna live all our lives

a windfall's not about to come any soon, just like that
an opportunity's not gonna land in our faces, just like that
its time to stand up for our future, its now to lead a change
sulking and avoidance will get us nowhere
there's a price to to pay, it'll be worthwhile someday
and before that time comes, get on with the race

Missing you in the middle of the night

Lying in your embrace a state of bliss
In your eyes in your touch I find a promise of love and peace
I'll just be anywhere you'll be
This much I know, I know it from your kiss

Baby I'm missing you as the minutes go
the next time we'll meet again it seems really long
I need your sweet whispers down my neck and holding me in this cold
On this bed I lie I imagine us together growing old

I hope to see you in my dreams tonight my sweet dreams tonight
Baby hold me tight, make everything alright